Last Christmas
by CynthiaWeasley
Summary: Severus gets caught in a hailstorm of holiday cheer, which includes a secret santa exchange that's even more secret than he realizes. A one shot story in response to the WIKTT Christmas Challenge.


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Author's Notes: These characters and this setting is not mine. JKR's. All of it. This is a fanfic written for adult audiences. I've rated it "R" for sexuality. Please exercise good judgement in deciding whether or not to read this story. This was created in response to the WIKTT Christmas Challenge. Please see the end of this story for the challenge requirements and further acknowledgements. With that said, enjoy!

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Last Christmas

"Albus, do you really feel it necessary that we gather tonight to do this? I think tomorrow at the Christmas Feast would be more than adequate," Snape remarked from an armchair pulled into the outer edge of the staff room gathering.

"Now, now, Severus, I know you're our resident Grinch and all but do try not to ruin it for the rest of us," Minerva McGonagall chided from her fireside seat. 

"Indeed, I think that this is best done on our own. Tomorrow we'll have the students to think about as well, Severus," Albus added.

"Then shall we at least make progress on this inane little venture?"

Albus simply nodded and turned to the rest of staff. "I see we've all arrived. Remembered your gifts, everyone?" Murmurs resounded around the group and Albus said, "Good. I'll begin by presenting my gift, then my person can present to their person and so on. Once everyone has a gift we'll open them." With that the headmaster rose and walked to the far side of their ensemble. "Happy Christmas, Severus."

A muted "Happy Christmas, Albus," was drowned out by the package breaking into song the moment it reached Severus' hands. It loudly proclaimed that all it wanted for Christmas was its two front teeth before Severus hexed it into silence. 

Snickers arose from the other staff as Severus rose and carried a package over to Hagrid. Then Hagrid went to Sybil, and so on and so forth until everyone had gifts. 

"Well, then, let's see what Santa's brought us, now shall we?" Albus said with a twinkle in his eye. He looked around the room briefly to see Minerva opening a lovely Gryffindor scarf before turning to his own gift. Carefully opening the package, he uncovered a pair of socks with dancing reindeer and a box of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Best Ever Christmas Crackers. "Well how wonderful! Thank you so much, Poppy! Now let's see if everyone else has been naughty or nice this year."

Looking over, Albus saw Hagrid fawning over some type of overgrown hairy insect. "I found him in the dungeon and thought of you, Hagrid," Severus was saying dryly. 

Hagrid snuffled a little and replied, "He's a fine little critter, professor. Thank you so much."

Further down the line Argus Filch was sputtering over the gift Remus Lupin was holding in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Lupin. I must have brought the wrong package up with me!"

Albus smiled at the black leather whip Remus was looking over. "It's quite alright, Argus, honestly. The leather has a nice finish on it. I'm sure I'll find a use for it…" 

Albus had a feeling that most of the staff would run screaming from the room if they had any idea that Remus would likely end up using that for the purpose Filch intended, albeit with different parties involved.

Taking a sip of his eggnog, Albus noticed from the corner of his eye that his potions master was sneaking out the back door. So be it. He could see later if he liked his gift.

* * *

Later than evening Albus wound his way down through the darker staircases of the castle, closer and closer to Severus' domain. He noticed in passing that the potions master had removed the caroling charms that the house elves had so dutifully placed on the statues throughout the castle. Little surprise there, he thought to himself. Entering the empty potions classroom, Albus paused to inspect something sticking out of the trash can. Lifting it out, he examined the brightly colored muggle object before taking it with him.

Albus knocked on the office door adjoining the classroom. When no answer was forthcoming, the headmaster pushed the door open to find the room alight but empty. Albus reached into his voluminous robes and withdrew the Headmasters' Map. And to think James Potter believed himself the first to concoct the idea. Albus' copy, handed down from headmaster to headmaster since the inception of Hogwarts, included areas that not even the Marauders had found on their late night adventures. Placing his hand on the parchment the Headmaster whispered, "_In loco parentis_." The parchment sprung to life, showing every staff and student, in addition to their current activity. After a moment of glancing over the illustration, Albus found what he was looking for- a miniature figure of Severus Snape, gazing out the window of the South Tower.

With little hurry in his gait, Albus set off for the South tower, the muggle object now safely tucked inside his robes.

* * *

"You didn't even give it a chance, Severus," Albus' voice said from the top of stairs.

Without turning around Severus replied, "My life has more than enough clutter already. Thank you for the gift, though, Albus. I do appreciate the thought."

"Did you read the instructions?"

"Briefly."

Albus walked over and took a place next to Severus staring out the window. "I thought you could use a little cheer in your holidays, Severus. It doesn't actually remove your memories, just duplicates them and stores them for future enjoyment."

"Again, thank you, Albus. But I don't see that I have any use for some brightly colored muggle sculpture charmed to be a pseudo-pensieve."

"It's called a nutcracker. I'm quite fond of the things, myself. Make an old man happy and use it just once, Severus. You may find you like it."

"I'd rather not, but thank you."

"Come now, Severus. Surely you have some holiday memory you'd like to see again? Perhaps a childhood Christmas?"

"I assure you that none come to mind."

"Oh."

The uncharacteristic remark caused Severus to turn and stare at the headmaster. After a moment Severus cautiously said, "There's something I'd like to tell you, but I'm afraid of what it might mean."

At this the headmaster turned to find Severus standing back, holding him at wand-point. "What is the meaning of this?" Albus asked quietly.

"Albus, your hair is curling."

"Excuse me?"

"Your hair is transforming. As is the rest of you I dare say. So I suggest you begin explaining before I hex first and ask questions later."

The figure standing before Severus quickly began to pat down his/her robes as if looking for something.

Snape narrowed his eyes and remarked, "It's too late for that. You've already blown your cover. I suggest you just transform back and get on with it."

Sighing, the person dropped his/her hands and waited for the potion to wear off. "Professor Dumbledore wanted to get away for the holidays but was afraid that if Voldemort knew he would take advantage of the situation. He asked me to step in for a few days to keep up appearances."

"And why didn't he share this with the staff?"

"He thought you'd try to talk him out of it, or be too nervous to enjoy yourselves. He's not that far away, in fact."

"Where would that be, Miss Granger?"

Hermione sighed as she realized the polyjuice had finished wearing off. Damn eggnog. She'd completely forgotten to take her dose of the potion. "He's on the quidditch pitch."

"Excuse me?"

"He moved his summer cottage to the quidditch pitch and rendered it unplottable."

"I see. So you've simply been impersonating one of the most important persons in the wizarding world for the past week?"

"Three days actually. My parents are off visiting family in the States and I'm on break from the university, so the Headmaster asked me to come back and do him a favor."

"The real question is, are you really Hermione Granger?"

"Yes. I assure you you're looking at my true form."

"Let's just be sure, shall we? _Finite Incantatem_."

Hermione's hair instantly fell into her face in a mass of curls. Other than that, she remained the same. Brushing aside her hair as best she could, Hermione said, "Now that we've established my hair is in fact just as curly as it always was, I would appreciate it if you at least tried my gift."

"_Your _gift?"

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to pick something out before I came. I spent a great deal of time selecting the object and developing the charm."

"And why, exactly, did you spend so much time picking out a gift for your least favorite teacher, Miss Granger?"

Hermione appeared speechless. She puzzled over his question for a moment and then grasped the nutcracker firmly. Closing her eyes, she activated the magical item in her grasp and it glowed faintly for a moment. "There you go, Severus. Consider it a default memory until you see fit to replace it." With that she pressed the nutcracker into his hand and Severus felt himself begin to fall.

__

He watched as Hermione appeared before him with a 'pop'. Surveying the room, he found himself in a small flat with the sound of cars going by outside the window. The room held a chill and Hermione walked over to the fireplace. With a flick of her wand the room danced with shadows from the magical flame. Taking off her coat and hanging it up, Hermione walked into a small kitchenette adjoining the room. A few spells later she emerged with a cup of hot chocolate in her cupped hands. Setting the cup down on a battered coffee table, she walked over to a cupboard. The doors opened with a squeak and she dug through the contents. A moment later she returned to her hot chocolate with a bottle of Irish Cream.

With a sigh, Hermione settled herself in an armchair facing the fire. She reached over and added a healthy dose of the liquor. Curling her legs underneath her, she reached for her wand and with a flick the stereo in the corner was playing faintly. A disembodied voice was wishing the listeners a happy holiday season as a new tune started.

****

"Last Christmas  
I gave you my heart  
But the very next day you gave it away.  
This year  
To save me from tears  
I'll give it to someone special"

Her eyes fell on the fire before her as she muttered a dejected, "Happy Christmas, Hermione." Just as she'd finally settled in a knock came at the door. Hermione glanced up at the clock. The enchanted item read, "Santa's nearly here!" in a gaudy shade of red. Setting down her drink, Hermione walked to the door and looked through the peephole. Her breath caught in her throat as she froze for a moment. Then without any further hesitation she opened the door.

****

"Once bitten and twice shy  
I keep my distance  
But you still catch my eye  
Tell me baby  
Do you recognize me?"

Severus' jaw nearly fell open as he saw the person who walked through her door. The tall, dark figure was unmistakable even in fashionable muggle clothes- it was him. Or rather, someone who was posing as him.

****

"Well  
It's been a year  
It doesn't surprise me  
(Happy Christmas)  
I wrapped it up and sent it  
With a note saying 'I love you'"

"Professor?" her voice was clearly uncertain at the man's presence.

Stepping in and closing the door behind him, the man removed his coat and nodded to her with a hint of a smile, "Hermione."

"What brings you here? Tonight of all nights?"

The man took a step towards her and placed a hand on her cheek. Much to Severus' surprise she didn't flinch away, but looked at the man with a fair degree of amazement. The man spoke in a silky baritone that clearly had Hermione responding to the timbre. "I've noticed you watching me at the national wizarding library. I didn't think it was an interest in my potions research."

****

"I meant it  
Now I know what a fool I've been  
But if you kissed me now  
I know you'd fool me again"

Hermione flushed at his words and the heat that she could undoubtedly feel from the man's body. Leaning down he took her lips in a gentle kiss. He then fixed her eyes and continued, "And then you left the Hogwarts alumni party so early. Tell me, what do you REALLY want for Christmas?"

****

"A crowded room  
Friends with tired eyes  
I'm hiding from you  
And your soul of ice  
My god I thought you were  
Someone to rely on…"

The firelight caught in Hermione's eyes as she fought an internal battle. A glint of skepticism finally gave way, however, to a glimmer of hope. A smile played across her lips as she took in the man before her. She whispered in an almost sultry voice, "I don't think you realize…"

But he lifted a finger to silence her. "I think I do, Hermione. I've seen you watching me for quite some time. Since your seventh year, I dare say."

Again she flushed, but this time the man led her into the room and settled her on the couch. They sat close enough that he could undoubtedly smell the alcohol on her breath. Placing her hand on the back of his neck, Hermione pulled the man's face down to hers and planted a feather-light kiss on his lips. The man wrapped her in his arms and claimed her mouth with passion that seemed to surprise Hermione, yet she quickly reciprocated

As the man lowered them onto the couch, Severus found himself wanting to leave this memory. Hermione may have thought she was giving him a pleasant experience, but this was becoming more disturbing by the moment. As the same time, part of him wanted to stay, not to witness the impending act, but with the hope of getting a clue as to the mystery man's identity. At the back of his mind Severus found himself cursing Albus for his mandatory Christmas parties.

Pressing into the man's body, Hermione ran her hands beneath his shirt. The feel of his skin seemed to spur her on. Her hands wandered downward and paused only momentarily at his waist. With a bit of quick maneuvering Hermione was on top and taking advantage of her position. Deftly she removed his trousers and boxer shorts. Adjusting her position downward, Hermione found what she was looking for and drew him into her mouth. Caressing with her tongue and teasing ever so lightly around the head, the man groaned. Continuing an agonizing pace, she settled into a rhythm that had him moaning her name.

Amidst the moans Severus pulled himself away to go and look at the man's coat. Upon inspection it was a black coat like any other. There were no tags, so it was likely a transfigured piece. The only item tucked inside the coat was the stranger's wand. Oddly familiar, yet not enough to reveal the man's identity. The noises behind him continued to increase in volume and he tried instead to concentrate on the stereo. A singer was crooning something about chestnuts and an open fire. He wished the blasted muggle would sing louder as he wasn't keeping pace with the activities on the couch. Trying again to remain detached, Severus walked over and took a chair in the corner of the room, hoping for a hint to the man's identity. 

From Severus' angle he could see her cheeks were flush and the hunger in her eyes practically sang. Despite better judgement, Severus found himself watching raptly as the man unwrapped her like a new toy. Hermione clearly responded as the man suckled and teased at her skin. As he reached her breasts, he added his hands to the ensemble, kneading and pinching as his tongue drew circles on her flushed skin. 

With the care of a predator stalking its prey, the man finished disrobing her and tossed her knickers aside. His fingers showed agonizing precision as they traced their way up her inner calf, then thigh, and then finally to their destination. She gasped at the man's caress. Hermione leaned into his touch. His fingers, however, slipped inside her while his tongue continued to practice its circular massage on her exposed skin. The combined sensations left Hermione moaning. 

Beginning to buck into the man's touch, Hermione reached down and grasped the man's neck. Drawing him upwards she claimed his lips in a hungry kiss. Pausing for only a moment to adjust his position, he thrust inside her and this time her whole body rose to meet him. Wrapping her legs around his waist and gripping his hair between her fingers, Hermione writhed beneath the weight of the man's body. Over and over the rise and fall of their forms claimed them until she finally screamed and clutched him to her in an iron grip. Her nails dug into his back as she screamed again, this time forming a single word. "Severus." 

At this the real Severus, still seated in the corner, felt an electrical current shoot up his spine. Before him lay Hermione, entangled with what looked remarkably to be himself. She had practically thrown herself at a man she believed to be him and had come with his name on her lips. As Severus contemplated the bizarre situation unraveling before him, the couple on the couch fell into a restless slumber.

Severus' reverie crumbled, however, as the man carefully untangled himself from the sleeping woman. Reaching for a blanket draped across a chair, the man covered Hermione hastily and donned his clothes. As he headed for the door Severus caught the briefest hint of blond beginning to appear in the man's hair. The smirk that settled on his face, too, was no longer Severus' own but a far more unschooled expression. As the man in black let himself out, Severus heard him mutter, "Merlin, mudbloods are easy."

Severus was falling again, but this time landed in the South Tower of Hogwarts with Hermione staring at him through steely eyes. After a moment he found he voice, "I don't know what to say."

"You'd think a year would be enough time to figure it out," she said softly and moved to walk past him.

With a quick reflex, Severus put a hand on her arm. If nothing more, he didn't want her to leave thinking it had been him that used her. "It wasn't me."

A sarcastic smile claimed her face. "You couldn't think of anything better than that?"

"Miss Granger, listen to me. That wasn't me."

The young woman's voice took on a dripping sarcasm that made Severus shudder with an eerie self-awareness. "And then who exactly was it, dear Professor? By all indications it certainly was you."

"And by all indications you were Albus Dumbledore not 45 minutes ago."

Hermione's eyes narrowed as she scrutinized him. "You're serious?"

"Quite. From what I saw near the end, I dare say that Mr. Malfoy, Jr. had a little fun at your expense."

"But how would he…?"

"Know?" Snape supplied. "He's not nearly as inept as he might lead you to believe. The young man's quite observant, and if I recall he, too, frequents the national wizarding library."

"But the hair for the polyjuice…"

"I dare say that obtaining one at a Dark Revel would be easy enough."

"I see," Hermione said flatly, clearly wavering on whether or not to accept his explanation. 

"I give you my word." His dark sincerity seemed to reach her and her cheeks burned with a flush far more brilliant than the one he had seen trapped inside the nutcracker. 

"In that case I'm sorry to have made you a party to this little indiscretion. Please accept my apologies." She made to leave again, but Severus didn't surrender his hand. At that moment, for reasons beyond his comprehension, Severus didn't want her to leave with this picture of him in her mind.

"Miss Granger," he nearly whispered and yet she showed no indication of yielding. "Hermione-"

She stopped resisting his grip but didn't turn to look at him.

"Would you care to join me for tea before you retire?"

Now she turned to him and blinked in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"I enjoy taking tea in the evening. I thought perhaps you would like some company before you must return to being Albus for the rest of the holiday."

She now looked into his eyes with scrutiny. Somewhere beneath that gaze he could sense that she was still drawn to him. Some part of her wanted to do this, but she had just enough wisdom to know that this, too, could end badly. 

With the beginnings of a sneer that may have intimidated her during her student years, Severus offered, "Perhaps if I promise not to ask what you really want for Christmas?"

With that Hermione cracked a faint smile and nodded her ascent to his proposal.

"I believe Albus would appreciate us keeping your presence here a secret for the time being," Severus said as he cast a do-not-notice spell on her. Tucking the nutcracker into his robes, Severus led the way down to his chambers.

* * *

Far beneath the two dark forms retreating from the South Tower, the real Albus Dumbledore turned away from his window and smiled. While his telescope only showed him the opening moments of the unfolding scene, he was sure that two close friends were about to have a Happy Christmas indeed.

* * * * *

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Instructions for the dinner: Below, you'll find a category for each part of your Christmas dinner/challenge story. Choose at least one selection from each type on the menu and include it in your story. If the menu says you can choose more than one thing from a category, go ahead! When you're done, you should have:

1.A dinner plate- my unexpected visitor? Hermione! 

2.1 main course- Secret Santa Gift Exchange

3.1 or more servings of veg- Spiked Eggnog

4.1 or more servings of a starch- Dumbledore/Hermione gets socks and the statues carol

5.A dollop of gravy- "All I Want for Christmas" (see Snape's singing package) plus "Last Christmas" and a quick allusion to "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire"

6.A bit of cranberry sauce or piccalilli- Hermione on Polyjuice and Draco on Polyjuice!

7.A serving or two of pudding- Lupin gets the wrong gift and Snape is embarrassed by his singing package.

8.And, one or two glasses of alcohol- Snape says, "There's something I'd like to tell you, but I'm afraid of what it might mean." And Draco/Snape says, "Tell me, what do you REALLY want for Christmas?"

And now for a few acknowledgements:

The title comes from the song "Last Christmas" as sung by Wham (which makes an appearance in Hermione's memories). The idea for the movable summer cottage is not mine. It belongs to Kalina and her story "The Buried Life." If you haven't read it, what are you doing sitting here reading my comments? Go read it! The do-not-notice spell is also borrowed, from Ramos' "Hinge of Fate." Again, go read!

Thank you to my fabulous betas, Deborah and Chelle! Thank you also to my husband, Mike, for being ever so patient and also being a last minute beta reader. 

For the curious, _In loco parentis_ loosely means, "In place of parents." It's sometimes used to refer to a school's role in looking after its students.

If you have a moment, I always love to receive comments and constructively snarky remarks. Please feel free to post a review or email me directly at cynthiaweasley@yahoo.com.

Thanks for reading and have a great holiday season!


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